Post by Alternate Charmed on Nov 2, 2008 16:33:10 GMT -4
INDEX CARD
TITLE: Everyone Hates Billie
AUTHOR: Justro
TYPE (one-shot, chapters, part of a series): Chapters
RATING: (K, T, M, MA): T for Charmed-type language and situations
LEAD CHARACTERS: Sisters. Billie. Assorted others
ORIGINAL CHARACTERS: Well, maybe Kernus...
SHORT SUMMARY: Billie has arrived in the sisters' lives. They don't like it at all. Funnily enough, neither did we!!
Title: Everyone Hates Billie (thanks for the name Bec!)
Author: Justro
Season: 8
Genre: parody I guess
Rating: PG
Status: Completed
Main Characters: Sisters. Billie. Assorted others.
Brief Summary/Synopsis: Billie has arrived in the sisters' lives. They don't like it at all. Funnily enough, neither did we!!
Disclaimer: Charmed not mine blah blah if I ever created a character as crap as Billie, please place me in mental institution and not let me near a tv show blahblah bitty blah.
I wrote this for a Demon Hunt. And due to public demand (ok, Es mentioned it once or twice) I reproduce it here! I hope you enjoy it.
Episode 1
Breakfast with Billie
Piper was busy getting Wyatt and baby Chris’s breakfast. Paige had just orbed in for some of Piper’s home made breakfast muffins and Phoebe was perched on a stool in the Kitchen, hunched over her laptop, trying, as usual, to write her column at the last minute.
“She’s just so..so…annoying. There’s just something about her that sets my teeth on edge” bitched Paige, who was talking about her new charge as a whitelighter.
“She’s young, immature” said Piper, “she can’t help it. You were like that once”
“I was never that obnoxious” stated Paige.
Phoebe looked up. “While you’re handing out the advice, Piper, here’s one you can help with:
‘I mean, how can anyone relate to a weirdo letter like that?” Phoebe pouted.
Billie rummaged through the racks of hanging clothes. ‘Ohhhhh’, she thought, ‘this outfit is so stylish!’ She pulled it off the hanger and prepared to try it on. “Sexy AND practical with its wipe clean finish’ she thought as she admired herself in the mirror.
There was a slight ‘wumphing’ noise outside in the hallway.
‘Uh-oh’, thought Billie - “demons!” and she ran outside to the top of the stairs and looked down. She could see the top of the demon’s head.
“Uh – Piper? Demons in the hallway” Paige orbed the babychair with Chris in it out of the direct line of Piper and the hallway.
“What? Demons? At breakfast time? AGAIN?.” Piper glared, and the mere tone of her voice made Paige and Phoebe wince. They felt sorry for the demon on the receiving end of one Piper’s bitching sessions.
“Maybe she’ll just kill them quickly and not lecture them “ whispered Phoebe to Paige.
“I thought we had an agreement,” Piper shouted at the demons. ‘No demonic activity during breakfast! It’s the most important meal of the day!’ and with that, flicked her hands almost carelessly towards the demon causing it to howl at the onslaught of the nagging lecture and as its arm blew up.
“Never interrupt us while we're eating. It can cause indigestion!”, she screamed, and raised her hands to finally obliterate the demon.
“Demonth – Thurrender or Die!” Billie lisped in a high pitched squeal and leapt over the banisters, executing a triple flip back summersault, despite wearing 5 inch spikey high heels.
Piper’s final gesture towards the demon was at exactly the same time as Billie landed beside it in the hallway.
“What the f***?’ exclaimed the demon and Piper simultaneously, as the demon then exploded into flames.
‘Oh god no’ moaned Paige
“eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk” screamed Billie as she caught the full impact of the demon explosion, and fell on the floor, with her hair and clothing on fire.
“What – WHO is that?” asked Piper.
Yes – who?’ demanded Phoebe “and why is she wearing my clothes?’
"That’s Billie, my new charge. I told you she was annoying!’ said Paige.
The three charmed ones gathered round the writhing body of Billie as she smouldered in the hallway.
‘We should really put her out’ said Phoebe, ‘and at least save what’s left of my outfit’. Paige poured a pitcher of cold water over Billie.
“Leo” bawled Piper. Leo orbed in. ‘Oh my!’ he said, and began to heal Billie. ‘Hey – what about healing my outfit’ said Phoebe. Leo looked apologetic. ‘I’m sorry Phoebe, I can’t heal last season’s fashion mistakes’.
‘I’m tho thorry,’ lisped Billie to Phoebe. ‘itth jutht that I think of you ath tho thtylith and thexy. You’re my role model’
Piper, Paige and Leo rolled their eyes. They couldn’t see it, but in the kitchen, Wyatt and Chris did the same.
‘Oh its ok, I can totally relate to you thinking that’, said Phoebe. ‘Unfortunately, Leo’s healing seems to be incomplete and my lycra imitation leather low rise pants and bra top appears to be welded to your body now’.
Piage sighed. ‘I’ll orb you to the hospital now and we’ll get you fixed up again. But mind – they’re gonna have to peel that outfit off you without an anaesthetic’
“Good’ muttered Piper, “maybe she’ll learn her lesson this time’.
TITLE: Everyone Hates Billie
AUTHOR: Justro
TYPE (one-shot, chapters, part of a series): Chapters
RATING: (K, T, M, MA): T for Charmed-type language and situations
LEAD CHARACTERS: Sisters. Billie. Assorted others
ORIGINAL CHARACTERS: Well, maybe Kernus...
SHORT SUMMARY: Billie has arrived in the sisters' lives. They don't like it at all. Funnily enough, neither did we!!
Title: Everyone Hates Billie (thanks for the name Bec!)
Author: Justro
Season: 8
Genre: parody I guess
Rating: PG
Status: Completed
Main Characters: Sisters. Billie. Assorted others.
Brief Summary/Synopsis: Billie has arrived in the sisters' lives. They don't like it at all. Funnily enough, neither did we!!
Disclaimer: Charmed not mine blah blah if I ever created a character as crap as Billie, please place me in mental institution and not let me near a tv show blahblah bitty blah.
I wrote this for a Demon Hunt. And due to public demand (ok, Es mentioned it once or twice) I reproduce it here! I hope you enjoy it.
Episode 1
Breakfast with Billie
Piper was busy getting Wyatt and baby Chris’s breakfast. Paige had just orbed in for some of Piper’s home made breakfast muffins and Phoebe was perched on a stool in the Kitchen, hunched over her laptop, trying, as usual, to write her column at the last minute.
“She’s just so..so…annoying. There’s just something about her that sets my teeth on edge” bitched Paige, who was talking about her new charge as a whitelighter.
“She’s young, immature” said Piper, “she can’t help it. You were like that once”
“I was never that obnoxious” stated Paige.
Phoebe looked up. “While you’re handing out the advice, Piper, here’s one you can help with:
“Dear Phoebe,
I am writing because I am so very distraught over my grandaughers. They have a destiny to fulfil, yet it seems all they do lately is ramble on about men, having babies, and wanting to be normal. I've told them a thousand times that men are like spoons and should be kept in drawers, but they just laugh at me and go on ignoring their destiny What should I do?
Sincerely,
Concerned, Dead Grams Walking”
‘I mean, how can anyone relate to a weirdo letter like that?” Phoebe pouted.
Billie rummaged through the racks of hanging clothes. ‘Ohhhhh’, she thought, ‘this outfit is so stylish!’ She pulled it off the hanger and prepared to try it on. “Sexy AND practical with its wipe clean finish’ she thought as she admired herself in the mirror.
There was a slight ‘wumphing’ noise outside in the hallway.
‘Uh-oh’, thought Billie - “demons!” and she ran outside to the top of the stairs and looked down. She could see the top of the demon’s head.
“Uh – Piper? Demons in the hallway” Paige orbed the babychair with Chris in it out of the direct line of Piper and the hallway.
“What? Demons? At breakfast time? AGAIN?.” Piper glared, and the mere tone of her voice made Paige and Phoebe wince. They felt sorry for the demon on the receiving end of one Piper’s bitching sessions.
“Maybe she’ll just kill them quickly and not lecture them “ whispered Phoebe to Paige.
“I thought we had an agreement,” Piper shouted at the demons. ‘No demonic activity during breakfast! It’s the most important meal of the day!’ and with that, flicked her hands almost carelessly towards the demon causing it to howl at the onslaught of the nagging lecture and as its arm blew up.
“Never interrupt us while we're eating. It can cause indigestion!”, she screamed, and raised her hands to finally obliterate the demon.
“Demonth – Thurrender or Die!” Billie lisped in a high pitched squeal and leapt over the banisters, executing a triple flip back summersault, despite wearing 5 inch spikey high heels.
Piper’s final gesture towards the demon was at exactly the same time as Billie landed beside it in the hallway.
“What the f***?’ exclaimed the demon and Piper simultaneously, as the demon then exploded into flames.
‘Oh god no’ moaned Paige
“eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk” screamed Billie as she caught the full impact of the demon explosion, and fell on the floor, with her hair and clothing on fire.
“What – WHO is that?” asked Piper.
Yes – who?’ demanded Phoebe “and why is she wearing my clothes?’
"That’s Billie, my new charge. I told you she was annoying!’ said Paige.
The three charmed ones gathered round the writhing body of Billie as she smouldered in the hallway.
‘We should really put her out’ said Phoebe, ‘and at least save what’s left of my outfit’. Paige poured a pitcher of cold water over Billie.
“Leo” bawled Piper. Leo orbed in. ‘Oh my!’ he said, and began to heal Billie. ‘Hey – what about healing my outfit’ said Phoebe. Leo looked apologetic. ‘I’m sorry Phoebe, I can’t heal last season’s fashion mistakes’.
‘I’m tho thorry,’ lisped Billie to Phoebe. ‘itth jutht that I think of you ath tho thtylith and thexy. You’re my role model’
Piper, Paige and Leo rolled their eyes. They couldn’t see it, but in the kitchen, Wyatt and Chris did the same.
‘Oh its ok, I can totally relate to you thinking that’, said Phoebe. ‘Unfortunately, Leo’s healing seems to be incomplete and my lycra imitation leather low rise pants and bra top appears to be welded to your body now’.
Piage sighed. ‘I’ll orb you to the hospital now and we’ll get you fixed up again. But mind – they’re gonna have to peel that outfit off you without an anaesthetic’
“Good’ muttered Piper, “maybe she’ll learn her lesson this time’.